What began in 2006 by Tarana Burke, a social activist to promote empowerment through empathy has been throwing stats on our face for more than two weeks now. Burke coined the phrase, which simply translates to – you’re heard, you’re understood, after being unable to respond to a thirteen year old girl who confided in her that she had been sexually assaulted. She wished she had at least said “me too” to console the little girl. This phrase was recently, in 2017 used again to bring to limelight Hollywood producer Henry Weinstein’s predatory sexual behavior. To a greater surprise, it took on a wider magnitude.
To witness a global community of female solidarity take place online was overwhelming. But can a hashtag or any viral moment, no matter how widespread really lead to a social change and reduce sexual abuse of women?
Let’s hope so. Because it’s not just glamorous women, it is your sister, your mother, your neighbor, your best friend. It is happening every day. And no, we are not all talking about brutal rape. Sexual assault varies from verbal harassment, to inappropriate touching, to groping, to abuse. The culprits are everyone from random men on the streets, shopkeepers, auto and taxi drivers, friends and relatives. They are everywhere.
It is frustrating when my father insists on me getting home before it is too late. He tells me that I will understand the day when I am a mother to a girl. Maybe I will, if things don’t change. Maybe I will tell her not to smile at strangers, to be alert at all times. To always carry a pepper spray. And if something happens, call someone and get back home.
But here is what I really would like to tell her.. I would like to tell her that she is beautiful. To laugh, be carefree and have fun. I would like to tell her that if someone mistreats her, she should shout, make a scene and always defend herself just because she deserves it. I would like to tell her to always remember that it is never her fault!
Sexual assault, rape, harassment – call it whatever you like, we have been discussing this, showing support, creating outcries and raising slogans for far too long now. It is high time we acted on it.
Because I don’t want to ever text my father that I reached home safely. I don’t want to adjust my dupatta when passing a group of gawking men. I don’t want to be on high alert at all times. I don’t want to be prepared with a mental escape plan. I don’t want any more eve teasing. I don’t want to buy a pepper spray. I don’t want to carry a blade with me at all times. I don’t want to be given defense classes where they tell me how and where to hit my rapist. I don’t want to be given tips on how to ward off predators. I don’t want people to tell me not to wear shorts in summer. I don’t want people to encourage me to go to cops and talk about my personal experiences. I don’t want a sexual assault committee at workplace. I don’t want to ever again feel a stranger’s erection on my butt in bus, or an auto driver touching himself while gawking at me in the rear view mirror, or that random shopkeeper who ‘accidentally’ drops a coin to get a glimpse of my cleavage. I don’t want to pretend to have a boyfriend to avoid inappropriate behavior. I don’t want to check before using trial rooms. I don’t want to worry about the conductor in the bus who is touchy feely and blames the bumpy ride for it. I don’t want people to tell me that girls my age need to be careful. I don’t want my nosy neighbor to tell me to wear shirts that cover my butt while taking the bus. I don’t want that man behind the counter at the railway station to strain his neck to get a glimpse of my breasts. I don’t want to feel my heartbeat pick up pace when I am in an isolated place.
Most importantly, I don’t want to read more of these #me too posts. Not because I don’t believe them. Not because I don’t respect each one of their courage for coming out to the open. But because I already know all this. I know it is true. I know it is unfair. I know that it needs to stop. I just don’t know why we should continue this baring of collective trauma to those who think ‘boys will be boys’ and ‘girls should be well behaved and careful’.
We want to be heard. We want to be understood.
Central Perk 